Heartbroken

My heart is very, very heavy right now. They say that death comes in threes. Well, of course, it comes in a higher multiple than that, but death that affects you... that's in some type of relation to you - even if it's just a celebrity - comes in threes. This week/weekend has certainly given this more credence.

Last week, an old childhood friend of mine updated her status on a social networking board I'm a member of and said that she was sad to hear about a passing of dear friend. I "commented" on her status and gave my condolences. Turns out that the dear friend was a mutual one; we both grew up on the same block and one of our neighborhood buddies had a son die after an asthma attack. This threw me for a loop and I told her to forward my prayers to her and her family.

I checked my email on Sunday and saw that an associate of mine had sent me a message. I opened it and saw that it had been sent to a whole slew of people. In her message, she apologized for the mass email and then stated that her husband had been tragically killed on Friday. More details to come later. That was it. I, again, was floored. The breath was taken out of me... I have never met the man, but have seen pictures of her, her husband and (at the time) two kids - boys. After hoping and praying for one, she gave birth to a beautiful baby girl last month to make the fam complete. And now he's gone? Just like that? How did he die? I cannot imagine her heartbreak...

And now today my sister calls me with suspicions that another good friend has passed... but she wasn't sure because of a cryptic message that a girl left on her social networking page. An hour or so later, my BF calls me and confirms the news; our friend had died from this past Friday. WHAT??!! This young lady had been fighting the awful effects of diabetes for awhile; she lost most of her sight and was on dialysis, but she was usually in good spirits and even adopted a little girl after losing her own through miscarriage. Her ex-husband, my sister says, had promised her his kidney. I have no idea what happened with this, but her health had started to decline so much so that she was forced to use a wheelchair. This made her more susceptible to blood clots which they tried to dilute which led to open heart surgery which led to an infection that she couldn't fight off and she passed. I am so beside myself... I hope she wasn't alone when she passed or in pain (I torture myself with thoughts like this).

Death has a way of putting life into perspective. I already have forgiven a lot of people of A LOT of crap and I already have a "live life while you're alive" attitude, but I feel unsettled. Death is encroaching on my living space. I know it's coming, and very well could have come for me this weekend, last week, last month... but it's still surreal, a pseudo reality until it rears up and settles in around you.

I am heartbroken.