Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Holding On

I did a post not too long ago where I talked about my ongoing process of having to release my attachment to certain people and things.  Well, with a new year quickly coming around the corner and my desire to get more organized and streamlined, I have found quite a few things that I'm holding on to.  Why?  I'm not too sure, but I decided to "out" myself and list some of the beauty items I just can't seem to let go of.

I bought this Shea Cashmere hand cream from Bath and Body Works a couple of years ago because I was seduced by the sweet smell of it.  I used it once or twice then put it away for safe keeping?  Safe keeping?!  Why would hand cream need to be safely kept?  And, honestly, I don't think this cream is all that moisturizing so why in the world am I holding on to this?  I need to either use it up already or give it away.

Another delicious smelling product: Giovanni's Hot Chocolate Sugar Scrub.  It is an all-over body exfoliant made of shea butter, sugar and crushed cocoa beans (as well as some other ingredients).  I love this stuff... And, yes, it is as decadent smelling as it sounds.  But I've only used half the jar and haven't dared used the rest.  Why, you ask?  Was it limited edition and no longer in stores, you ask?  Why, of course not!  You can find this in many different drug stores, Targets and health stores.  I could easily buy this again once I use it up.  So why am I holding on to this?  I DON'T KNOW!

And here is my beloved Cocoa Bean lipstick from Revlon.  I bought this years ago during my "browns only" lipstick phase.  Such a lovely shade.  This has been discontinued, but I didn't know that until I grabbed what I thought was a back up, but was actually Coffee Bean, which is a beautiful toffee color so I ended up keeping it.  But still... I couldn't believe it was gone; I checked Revlon's site, eBay and everything.  Gone!  But guess what?  There are plenty of brown lipsticks.  Besides, I don't even really wear brown that much anymore.  So, I need to get over it, stop hording the few brush swipes I have left in the tube and use it up already!

Ahh, the ubiquitous Naked palette by Urban Decay.  I love the colors, the packaging, the quality of the shadows... this one totally fit the neutral bill for me in every possible way.  This is the original one that came with the dual ended eyeliner (it now comes with a brush), which I was able to snag quite by accident when it was first released.  But they do still make this palette, so this is not obsolete.  In fact, as you already know, they have since come out with two more versions of the Naked palette.  So, why have I not been using this palette?  Do you see the shadows above?  Barely a dent.  Why am I holding on to this?!  And I just noticed that I still haven't removed the plastic covering on the mirror!  Oh, boy... 

And finally, the highly coveted Marine Life from MAC's To the Beach collection that came out a few summers ago.  I saw this and I simply had to have it because it's so pretty.  As soon as I bought it and got it home, I de-boxed it to stare at its awesomeness then quickly put it back in the box and stored it away.  I haven't taken it out of its box again until now...

Marine Life is a half coral, half pink highlighting powder/blush exquisitely embossed with a golden seahorse.  This was limited edition.  But don't cut me any slack because of that!  I am not one to buy things that are meant to be used and then not ever use them because I figure that to be a waste.  I don't want to put this on display under a glass case or locked away in a vault.  That's not why I bought it.  Yes, what compelled me to procure this lovely item were the colors and unique design, but ultimately I bought it to use!  As you can see, I haven't even swatched it.  Why?  Well, I kinda don't want to mess up the pretty horsey, but this is a little silly.  I need to start using it.  Why am I holding on to the pretty horsey?  Forget the pretty horsey!  I need to stop holding on to the idea of this product and fulfill its purpose for being made: to put on my darn face!

So you see, as much as I have purged myself of a lot of stuff and things, I have also held on to quite a bit.  Let's not even talk about my numerous non-beauty items that I still have, some of them dating back to high school.  Yikes!  (Hmm... for fun, I may list them in a later post.)  And I'm not talking about using products that are limited edition or have had their formulas changed sparingly so you can make them last.  I'm talking about not using said items and/or readily available items AT ALL.  This is my problem.  And part of the solution is first admitting you have a problem.  So...

Hi!  My name is Dolce Dawn and I hold on to a lot of beauty items unnecessarily... 


  1. Hey Ms. Dolce,

    My girl has been checking out your blog for a minute for make-up tips and she came across this posting of holding on. So she ask me (Hey babe what do you think of this)? Question, why is it that women always start a conversation that you know he (meaning me) is not interested in? UGH (In my most Charlie Brown voice)!! I said the make-up is a metaphor for a relationship. She said I’m wrong and that I’m projecting and she double dog dared me to write you (sorry we watched 24hrs of A Christmas Story on TBS the other day).

    So, what is it!? Here is my 2 cents; any relationship worth holding onto is worth fighting for. I have to be honest I hurt my girl to the 5th power and she hurt me to the 10th. We said and did some things that were both not proud of.

    I have to admit the majority the BS was done on my part. We would get into it over the dumbest things imaginable.

    When I look back we both wanted the same things we just did know how to communicate it and because she is a beast with her way with words (she is going to be pissed I said that). I let every infraction take me over the top.

    I mean the way she could verbally get at me always broke me. There were times I showed that I was hurt and other times I didn’t. In any case I knew I loved her more than any other woman I had been with and I knew she loved me.

    Even through all of the heart ache, pain, family involvement (bad business) and even distance we still managed to hang in there. It wasn’t easy we both did a lot of praying separately and together. Through it all we still managed to talk every day and celebrate each other’s accomplishments and birthday’s (that’s a big one for her).

    All I have to say is that holding on is not a bad thing. Especially when you know that the person would give you their last dollar, make sure you have a roof over your head and take care of you and make sure your needs and wants are taken care of.

    My best friend encouraged me to hang in there and that she was worth it. All I had to do was adjust my view and of her and my life and all things would fall into place. I have to say he was right. Every time I see her picture or hear her voice I get butterflies (Thanks MJ)!

    Again, I hope I’m wrong. But, I think the make-up is a metaphor for a relationship. So, what is it?

    Oh, let me give a shot out to Ray Ray, Nu Nu and my heart Aire! I love you gurl.

    Sorry Ms. Dolce for any Grammatical or spelling errors. I am work typing this when I should be working.

    Ari Xavier

  2. Hi, Ari!

    Let me first start out by establishing some clarity: if you're asking whether I was using makeup as a metaphor for relationships - the answer is "no". However, if you're asking whether my post could be applied to a relationship, basically recognizing when to let go and move on, I say "yes".

    First off, why would you want to "hold on" to a relationship? When I think of holding on, I think of the phrase "holding on for dear life", an act of desperation like a man holding on to the side of a cliff so not to fall. Or one may "hold on" to something to take control of it, keep it from moving or changing. Wouldn't you prefer terms like "staying in" or "seeing it through"? No, "holding on" doesn't have to be a bad thing, but only if you know what you're holding on to and why. If you're holding on to a relationship where the trust has been broken and even though the person betrayed has given you the blueprint to regain their trust, the perpetrator refuses or continually ignores it because they deem it unnecessary, then maybe you shouldn't hold on. Sure, the person may take care of you material-wise, but they've done nothing to re-secure your heart by taking care of you emotionally (keeping secrets, not calling when asked, breaking dates/engagements, etc.). My whole thing is to recognize when something is no longer working for you and not hold on to ppl or things just because it's comfortable or for nostalgia's sake.

    But it seems like you and your GF are in a good place, despite whatever history, so that's excellent. It also sounds like you have great communication between the two of you, which is key, so my example above probably would not apply to you. I just know that when someone is really in tune with their partner and really loves them they don't need to "hold on" to what they've got because both are already moving heaven and earth to "keep it together".

    I hope this answered your question somewhat and I want to thank you for your comment. You remind me of my friend Kramal with that Charlie Brown line. It made me chuckle.

    1. Touché Ms. Dolce,

      Thank you for answering my question. Just to be clear. I would move HEAVEN and EARTH to “Keep it together”. I hear what you are saying; the learning as I will call it, is that someone loves you enough to do whatever it takes financially and as you put it “material-wise” to make sure you are good (“No Romance without Finance”).

      A lot of people believe that love conquers all in this day and age and I would 100% whole heartedly believe in that if were true (again, insert Gwen Guthrie “ANGOBTR”). Everyone wants the fairy tale (yes, men included). The regaining of anything once you lose it is hard i.e. a home, car, money, love, trust…etc. They key is that you acknowledge their effort and you have to know THEIR HEART. Perception is not always reality and vice versa (the real world or every TV program on right now).

      Me and mine are good because she let me fail knowing that the best thing for me was a lesson I had to learn. She loved me with all of my short comings; she gave me the blue print to see the good in myself when I couldn’t see it. She even went as far as telling me “Why are you avoiding the inevitable, we are going to be together” She was smart enough to see that EARLY when I was too immature or going after being the Next American Mogul (I’m going to trademark that©). So, I get what you are saying Ms. Dolce.

      Love is tough, it is a job and like most jobs you go in with good intentions but, there is that possibility you might get fired. I’ll quote one of her favorite films A Bronx Tale “You're only allowed three great women in your lifetime. They come along like the great fighters, every ten years. Rocky Marciano, Sugar Ray Robinson, Joe Louis. Sometimes you get them all at once. Me? I had my three when I was 16. That happens. What are you gonna do? That's the way it goes, you know? Tell you right now. See this girl? Maybe this girl, she put wind in your sails. Maybe she's your first great one “.

      She is my ABT; my Oprah, Kerry & Michelle and I am blessed enough to have them all wrapped in her at once. She is the DJ to my Rapper, The Marvelous to my Cash Money, the Tough to my Crew she is my Illadelph better Halflife (LOL, sorry).

      The key is maybe you need to try to communicate differently. That is what I had to do. So, I challenged myself to come with new and inventive ways of trying to communicate with her, to speak to her heart and mind while still supporting and fulfilling her (whew a job in itself).

      I love her enough to do what is necessary to show her. So I started writing to her a method of communicating like kids playing outside that is fading to black. A method of communicating she loves and guess what!?! It’s WORKING!

      Thanks again for responding and I may chime in from time to time to your post. Please reply I would love to hear your thoughts.

      Oh, I’m glad you got a chuckle out of that Charlie Brown line.

      Best regards,

      Ari Xavier

  3. I totally agree with you that love does NOT conquer all and that perception is not always reality. Which is all the more reason why you should always do your best to portray the best "reality" to your partner via communication and honesty, especially after there's been an egregious offense committed (i.e. cheating). A lot of men think that throwing money on a situation is the proper cure, but I say different. There has to be a balance of that and honesty. The proof is in the giving of time, understanding, and even the "giving in" or acquiescence to certain requests your partner may make, no matter how frivolous they may seem to you.

    I agree with perhaps finding alternate ways in communicating when the norm doesn't work, but how many ways can you say, "This makes me uncomfortable. Could you pls not do it anymore?" Or, "I feel better when you do this or that." If the person is a repeat offender in not acknowledging your feelings and acting on them then what? "Hold on"? If so, then for how much longer should they "hold on"? What if holding on is blocking them from their true blessing? And how many times do you have get hit in the gut to finally say "ENOUGH!"? And it's one thing to say that your partner is number one in your life, but if they don't feel that then there's a breakdown somewhere.