Well, tonight has been another "first" for me. Yes, after years of being drug-free I have finally taken a puff. Of what, you ask? Of that "stuff". Yes, mary-joo-wanna. I didn't really want to, but I did after much cajoling. Curiosity? I guess so. I had smoked a cigar for the first time ever last year and I must say that I liked it. Not enough to take up the habit, but it wasn't as bad as I thought it was gonna be.
Tonight's vice had a strawberry-ish smell to it. I think it did. It def didn't smell like the skunky stuff I had smelled before on others. It tasted OK. (Do smokers talk about the taste?) I dunno anything about this stuff, but I can say that I can now cross this off the list of things I have never done in my life. And I really don't find it appealing at all. So you puff and then what? I guess I thought I was going to feel like I was floating on air, or maybe have a sudden rush of creativity and start finger painting portraits out of toothpaste or something since it's supposed to open your third eye and such... OR maybe burst into an unending, pseudo-intellectual, too deep to understand babble on existentialism... and the real truth behind aliens.
I dunno. I was unimpressed and left in an unaltered state. Didn't have the infamous munchies, either. And this was supposed to be a "good batch". Hmm... maybe my mind is just too strong for the stuff. LOL Whatever.
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Ok, so we all know here that my relationship has been over for a while now. At least in my heart and my mind... Well, found out recently that he has been cheating on me! Yes, you can now add this to the list of crap that I have had to endure with this dude. I text one of my girlfriends when I found out, but have yet to call her and fill her in on the details. Not trying to torture her, but just didn't feel like talking about it. Not depressed or sad, it's just that the whole thing is soooooo stupid. I'm surprised I'm even blogging this... but... I dunno. She's probably reading this (Hey, friend! LOL). Hmm, I guess I'm killing two birds with one rock then.
Anywho, we were already broken up really. So you ask why it would bother me if I didn't want to be with him anymore and we weren't together anyway? Because at the time he cheated we WERE together and it just shocked me that all this time he was lying about where he was and who he was with. He was with this chick several times, therefore, this took planning... conversations... collusion. He used to work with this chick. He knew better! Of course he did. He tiptoed behind my back and all the while acted like everything was cool. And I only found out because he was having a mental breakdown (his annual near-birthday ritual) blabbering on about how he isn't a good person and his life isn't this and that and blah, blah, blah. I fell into my usual role of comforter and said, "Yes, you are a good person." He immediately shook his head and said, "No, I'm not." Ok, this gave me pause. My female Spidey sense kicked in and I asked him what he meant. He blabbered on about something and then I just asked him. I asked him whether he had EVER cheated on me. Well, you would have thought and I had pressed an invisible pause button on his back because he didn't move or say a word for what seemed like FOREVER. Now I got louder: HAVEYOUEVERCHEATEDONME?! I promise you he still didn't move. I just couldn't believe it. So then I started asking WHO and WHEN and HOW MANY TIMES?!! You know, the usual "i-just-found-out-my-man-cheated-so-now-i-need-all-the-details" questions. Well, technically I wasn't his GF, but you know what I mean. He obliged me grudgingly, giving me sparse details, but I pushed and pushed. Finally, I just twisted my face up and shook my head. I calmly let him know what I thought of him: that he was common. And that there was nothing special about him. Aaaand I said a couple of other cute things, too.
I am moving back up north in a few weeks. I have been busy trying to square away plans and tie up loose ends before leaving. I'm excited to finally get out of this gilded cage I've been trapped in.
I know I should list some more details, but I guess I'm just not angry enough to continue this entry. I mean, I am still disgusted at the total disregard for my feelings, the lies, the deceit, the fact that I had to pull it out of him instead of being told outright... but then again he's common. In other words, he just did what naturally comes to a lot of people. Selfish people. Selfish men.
He's been apologizing profusely ever since that night. I told him that I've already forgiven him (and forgotten him). He says he sees us married. Oh, really? To each other? Hmm... I don't.
Ok, I'm ending this. He's not worth another lette...