Forever Young...

I caught a glimpse of myself in a mirror while helping my niece try on some clothes and I must say that I was disheartened by what I saw.  I recognized my main features, but, at the same time, didn't really recognize myself.  I always see myself (and think of myself) as young, vibrant, forever frozen in time.  But the image reflected back reminded me that we are all getting older.

I should tell you that I am in my thirties, I am in pretty good shape and I really do have a great attitude towards life: I do not take it so seriously that I cannot laugh at myself when deemed appropriate.  But let's face it - NO ONE wants to age.  I looked at myself once then tried to avoid my visage for the rest of the time in the cramped dressing room.

Why does my face look like that?  I don't remember that being there...  Did that always droop like that?

Then I mentally slapped myself.  'You really need to get over yourself,'  I scolded.

Prayerfully, I will continue to get older (look at the alternative!)... but gracefully.  And if I really claim to love myself the way that I do, I have to love myself unconditionally.  Changes are sure to come... more changes, that is.  But I have to be alright with myself no matter what.

Besides, I think I'll always see myself as the young girl I think I am.  I believe I can still "pass".  I'm still the youngin' who still dreams with fervor, only now I have the maturity to realize the tools needed in order to successfully attain them.

It's written all over my face.

Straight, No Chaser

I just had a wonderfully insightful - albeit short - conversation with a good friend of mine.  He so aptly put things in perspective for me that we didn't need to have a long, drawn out discussion.  Men are so pragmatic.  One of the reasons why I love them...

I was puzzled by the actions of another friend of mine, a female, and ran the scenario down to him.  The whole thing in a nutshell is that an old friend, with whom I've recently reconnected after she unceremoniously "dumped" me as a friend while in high school, has suddenly stopped returning my calls.  I gave him the run down of how she was upset that I had been back in Philly for two weeks, but hadn't called her right away because I was taking care of some things.  OK, we still got together later at her new house and everything seemed fine.  She gave me a tour and I complimented her accomplishments.  She expressed her disappointment in me not going to the HS reunion (I never told her I was def going, but she doesn't remember it that way).  We talked more.  She took a phone call.  I thought it rude of her to do so, but whatever.  She went upstairs, leaving me by myself in the kitchen, and returned when she was done.  I left soon after and we promised she would call after the reunion (if she went).  No call.  I called her and left a VM.  No call back.  I called again the next day about something entirely different.  Still no call back.  It's now been a week and a half.

My male friend listened patiently and without hesitation said, "You guys were never friends."  He proceeded to explain that if she felt comfortable taking a call while leaving you alone and if you felt uncomfortable sitting by yourself in her house (thinking it was rude) then you guys aren't friends and were never really friends because friends don't go through stuff like that.  His one caveat - this was obviously a male perspective.  But I thought it was valid and on point, nonetheless. 

So simply put.  So direct and plain.  And I totally got it.  I get it.  I got a little teary eyed as I explained to him that I feel that I am too forgiving.  He listened and assured me that I was fine.

Every woman needs a good male friend.  For the most part, they are straight shooters and don't get tied up in the rigmarole or drama.  It is what it is with them.  And that's all.

HSH 3 - Things Fall Apart

OK.  Umm... two days ago, I went to turn on my laptop and the LED light came on, the infamous Apple chime sounded and then.... nothing.  My screen remained blank.  Black.  I restarted it.  The same thing happened.  Rebooted, restarted, turned it on/off, took the battery out, reset the PRAM... still nothing.  Called Apple.  *sigh*  Gotta take it to the store.

The nearest store is located at the King of Prussia mall.  For all my Atlantians, it's akin to the Lennox mall only there's more prep and less hip-hop.  Now that I think of it, it's a little bigger than Lennox with the more laid back feel of Phipps.  Anywho, that's where I had to go and, like I said earlier, I don't know my way around anymore.  But my sis helped me out (plus my GPS on my phone) so I was cool.

I get there and anyone who's ever been to an Apple store knows that it is the hang out spot for the "in the knows" and the clueless alike.  It's ALWAYS crowded in there!  Why?  I dunno.  I mean, how many times can you play iPhone Monkey Ball or plunk around on the iPad without realizing it's all the same.  Cool, yes, but they're all just computers.  Buy one or go home already!  But I digress...

After an associate performs some tests, he says that the logic board is done.  What?!  My heart... "Should I cry?" I ask him.  "No, it's a known problem with the NVIDIA graphics card so we're gonna fix it for free," he says.  OK, good.  "It'll be ready in about 2-3 days."  UGH!!  My computer is my lifeline!  But hey, it could be worse.  I could be PAYING for the repairs.

I get a call the next morning: it's ready!  OK.  I throw on some clothes, a baseball cap and head out the door.  I worm my way through the "knows" and the clueless, yuck it up a little with the associate while he turns on my laptop (at my request) to make sure it comes on then head out the door.  I get home and guess what?  Oh, it comes on.  But the fan is now whirling and buzzing non-stop at a high speed.  I restart.  I "safe" restart.  Same daggon thing.  I call Apple Care.  "Uhhh, you gotta take it back to the store."  (INSERT SCREAM HERE.)

For trip # 3, I decided to get there when the mall opened.  That way I could sorta avoid the ubiquitous horde of Apple stalkers and get out of there quickly.  Yes!  The store is empty sans two other guys seemingly of like mind... The tech that helped me was really nice and patient and, after troubleshooting, decided it was a sensor.  Long story short, he refastened the loose sensor, thus voiding the need for it be to "repaired" again.  I turn to leave and it's like voodoo: the store is teeming with its morning round of wild-eyed stalkers ready to get their tech fix.  I'm leaving just in time...

Get home, turn on my computer... the LED light comes on, the Apple chime sounds, my screen turns from black to gray to my desktop... and no whirring fan.  All is right again.   At least with my computer it is.

What am I doing?

Home Sweet Home 2

Last night, my sister and I (and my niece) went over to my sis' friend's house to watch the fireworks from his balcony.  We came in and immediately went outside where a few had already gathered for the festivities.  As I peered out at the skyline, the women started chatting about something, but that's not what caught my attention.  The infamous Philly accent is what piqued me.  I had no idea that there was one until someone NOT from Philly told me I had it.  But I don't.  Not compared to these women.  Now I'm not knocking anyone, but they had a twang and a pop in their delivery that was a cross between Jersey and NY, but clearly not (Jersey tends to be more nasal making the words sound thinner, if you will.  NY is fuller, almost like the words are too heavy to pronounce, typically with a higher inflection at the end of their sentences like they're asking a question even when they're not - MY OPINION).

But this accent turned me off.  And they were talking about NOTHING!  Granted, that's their right.  And who am I to judge the validity of other people's convos?  Nobody.  But it just annoyed me so I quickly tuned them out and started to sink inside myself.  I focused in on the bright lights and the faint BOOM! POWS! in the far distance.  I looked over the iron railing that I was confidently leaning against and wondered what car I would land on if I were to fall or if the railing were to give way... I probably would have just slammed onto the concrete in the parking lot.  My mind was taking me away and I was drifting.  I wanted to be stimulated, but I wasn't... so I left.

When the show was over, I text my sis (who disappeared soon after arrival) and let her know I was ready to go.  She was already in the car.  Later, she explained that she just didn't feel like being around anyone that night.  No matter.  I grabbed my niece and joined her in the parking lot for departure.

I'mma make some phone calls tomorrow and see if I can hook up with some of my contemporaries.  You know, old school mates and such.  Gotta feel my way back in.

Tomorrow is supposed to be 101 degrees.  Sounds like hell to me.

Home Sweet Home?

Well, I'm here.  After exactly twelve hours of driving, with a few stops in between for my rambunctious travel companion Brooklyn (my dog), I finally made it home.  Home?  Well, the city/state where I was born.  I had mixed feelings about the trip all along.  I haven't been "home" in a while and for good reason.  It's a cool place - love the cheesesteaks and Italian water ice... always love seeing Boathouse Row, especially at night when it's all lit up.  The City of Brotherly Love is really a place of beauty in the summertime.  Sometimes I do miss it.

But most times I don't.  Whenever I come "home" I feel out of it.  I dunno.  It's almost like I'm having an out-of-body experience: I'm here, but I'm not here, you know?  It doesn't feel totally real, totally authentic to my senses.  How can I describe it a little better...  Umm... like I'm sleepwalking?

And I always feel like a visitor!  I forget how to get to this place and that place, totally forget the name of other places... what part of the city they're in.  Man, so many things about the city have become foreign to me.  (Should I note that as a sign of something?)

I'm going to try and enjoy my summer here for as long as I am here because it's just temporary.  I don't think I could actually move back and settle here ("settle" being the operative word).   I would feel like I was working backwards.

Yes, you can go home sometimes, but just because you can doesn't mean you should.

Adventures "To the Beach"

Two weeks ago, I was on a mission.  And when I set my mind to something, I put all my energy into seeing it through and getting it.

I have recently been getting more and more into makeup.  My usual staples have been lipstick and eyeliner, but I've become more adventurous as of late and have been purchasing, and mastering the application of, eyeshadows and paying more attention to blushes and foundations.  I'm really enjoying the whole idea of makeup...  It's funny, years ago I couldn't understand why women were spending sooo much money on this stuff, but now I get it.  Besides wanting to look "better", it's fun.  The colors, the brands, the shopping for it, the trying it on...  I can see where it could become addictive.

Well, MAC recently came out with a new collection of makeup called To the Beach.  I heard about it online and didn't think much of it until I saw the Marine Life powder.  Oh, how gorgeous!  I had to have it; I have never seen anything like it.  Went online to their site... Oh, no!  It's sold out already?!  I must HAVE THIS!

Let me tell you - the next day I got to the mall right when it opened and saw that the MAC kiosk hadn't opened yet so I went to Macy's MAC counter.  No one was there.  Well, after about 5mins or so, "Tony" walked in and positioned himself behind the counter.  He was so nice.  He asked me what I wanted and I told him the Marine Life and he looked confused.  I was thinking, "Uh-oh."  Well, the display hadn't been set up yet so he apologized and quickly put out all the items.  I couldn't stop staring at it!!  Even a makeup consultant from a different counter came by and admired the powder.

I GOT THE MARINE LIFE!!!  (A stunning blush of coral and pink with a gold overspray and a seahorse embossed in the middle.)  Even as I was paying for it, "Tony" was starting to get calls from people asking whether it was in stock.

As I was about to leave the mall, I stopped by the kiosk and "Gwendolyn" helped me.  I tried on Thrills lipstick at Macy's but it really didn't "thrill" me.  It was prolly the lighting b/c I decided to sample it again and I liked it.

I GOT THRILLS, TOO!!!  (A beautiful shade of coral with a gold frost.)

I felt like a little kid, big smile, arms a swinging with my black MAC bags in tow.

I was so happy!  I told "Tony" that I was just going to stare at the powder for a few weeks, not even touch it, b/c I didn't wanna mess up the design.  We both laughed.

Ok, enough blabbing already.  Mission accomplished.  One down, many more to go.  

Up In Smoke...

Well, tonight has been another "first" for me.  Yes, after years of being drug-free I have finally taken a puff.  Of what, you ask?  Of that "stuff".  Yes, mary-joo-wanna.  I didn't really want to, but I did after much cajoling.  Curiosity?  I guess so.  I had smoked a cigar for the first time ever last year and I must say that I liked it.  Not enough to take up the habit, but it wasn't as bad as I thought it was gonna be.

Tonight's vice had a strawberry-ish smell to it.  I think it did.  It def didn't smell like the skunky stuff I had smelled before on others.  It tasted OK.  (Do smokers talk about the taste?)  I dunno anything about this stuff, but I can say that I can now cross this off the list of things I have never done in my life.  And I really don't find it appealing at all.  So you puff and then what?  I guess I thought I was going to feel like I was floating on air, or maybe have a sudden rush of creativity and start finger painting portraits out of toothpaste or something since it's supposed to open your third eye and such... OR maybe burst into an unending, pseudo-intellectual, too deep to understand babble on existentialism... and the real truth behind aliens.

I dunno.  I was unimpressed and left in an unaltered state.   Didn't have the infamous munchies, either.  And this was supposed to be a "good batch".  Hmm... maybe my mind is just too strong for the stuff.  LOL  Whatever.