Hirsutism

I was in the store the other day and noticed a woman at the counter with a portly little boy I assumed was her son.  I could only see her profile as I entered, but once I approached the counter to address the other attendant I immediately saw that the woman had thick, full-grown mustache... and thick stubble remnants of what was once a beard.  I was taken aback by how "full on" her facial hair was, but downplayed my reaction by shifting my eyes to something else in the room.  This was an African-American woman, about early forties and her mustache was thick and coarse, just like a man's.  Umm... think of Aunt Pearly from Friday After Next, but much worse!  And because of her coarse hair texture, the stubble was prominent and dark and stretched from sideburn to sideburn.   Clearly she had tried to resolve the problem by shaving, which is a CLEAR and DEFINITIVE no-no, but with little success. 

Now I'm NOT trying to throw shade to anyone that has this problem or trying to make fun of this woman.  In fact, as soon as I saw her I immediately felt bad for her.  I, like a lot women, have a "lady-stache" that I wax every so often, and I know that women go through a lot with our bodies and hormones so a few errant hairs here and there I understand.  Shoot, I never even noticed my 'stache until a guy told me he thought it was sexy.  I was like, 'Huh?'  I was a teenager, mind you, but I had never noticed.  As an adult woman getting into makeup and all the refinery of being a woman, I started waxing it.  But I must tell you that I was shocked when I first saw my face without it; I actually PREFERRED the way I looked with it over the way I looked without it!  LOL  (Don't worry guys, I still wax...)   But I digress...  Things happen... hair happens.  Frida Kahlo was recognized not only for her art, but also her uni-brow and "lady-stache".  Monique, the comedienne, proudly rocks hairy legs.  Really hairy legs.  My point is, I get it.

But this was different.  This is not a "wax on/wax off" situation.  This was not an au naturel stance on female beauty.  This was an excessive, out of control hair growth issue on her face.  It was such a shock to me that I started to think of what I would do... What would I, what COULD I do if I had that much hair growing on my face... thick, coarse, uncontrollable, undeniable facial hair.  We all know that shaving makes it worse and only -temporarily- takes off the hair above the skin, but then it grows right back... and with a vengeance!

I honestly don't know what I would do.  My sister said she would stay in the house and never come out.  I sort of chuckled and agreed that I would stay in until I had enough money saved to take care of it cosmetically.  She co-signed.  At that point, it wouldn't matter the cost; I would have to do something.  But is there really anything out there for situations so severe?  I know there are lasers, but for your whole face?  And not even that's 100% effective in permanently keeping the hair away for some patients.  And what about scarring?  And sensitivity?  Especially with dark-skin?

I don't know, guys.  I really don't know, but on a brighter note she WAS standing there with a boy I assumed was her son because of their interaction and resemblance so somebody is/was loving the skin she was in, flaws and all!  Again, I wasn't trying to judge but was trying to figure what I would do with that situation.  Whoa...

Forgive... Forgive-Me-Not?

What would it take for you to forgive?  And if you finally got yourself to the point where you could forgive, would you also be able to forget or is that even necessary for forgiveness?  And would it depend on what the offense was whether you would even consider forgiving the perpetrator at all?

Ok, what if the offense caught you off guard and when you found out you were absolutely devastated?  No, no one died or was maimed, but you were hurt to your very core because it was someone you loved and trusted.  Would an apology be enough?  Would money and/or gifts be an ample salve?  OR are you one of those types where the only relief you could find would be to get the person back (avenge your broken heart) via the same manner - if not a more hurtful manner - that was used to hurt you...?

Hmm... just wondering aloud.  I guess I should reveal which of these examples fit my personality, but I'm still trying to figure that out.  My knee-jerk response would be that I would be able to forgive, forget, but depending on how egregious the act was/is, I would know that for my own sanity our relationship... our interaction from that point on would never be the same.

I mean, everyone makes mistakes, but at what point is enough enough?!

Ok, talk amongst yourselves.  I'll be back with my final thoughts once I've gathered them.

Mea Culpa...

I'm so sorry.  I've been so neglectful... so derelict in my duties of keeping y'all abreast of what's going on, what I'm thinking... doing.  A lot has been going on and I have sooo much to tell that the very thought of the amount of thoughts I need to post makes me sigh.

Writing has always been cathartic for me (just like a host of others) but I haven't been craving the urge to put "pen to pad", sorta speak.  Some days I've just been wallowing and I know I shouldn't.

Gotta tell you guys about my Oprah experience, and that it was!  That's up first.  Then the rest soon after.

OPRAH!!

Ok, you guys are the first people I'm telling.  I haven't told ANYONE what I'm about to tell you, but I'm kinda excited.  I'm surprised... SUPER surprised.  But I claimed it a while ago.  Oprah wants me!


LOLOL!  Ok, ok, let me be more specific.

I've been trying to get on the Oprah Winfrey Show for, like, forever and now that this is her last season, getting tickets has become a lot harder.  But I really believed that I would get on the show.  Honest... I actually envisioned myself in her HARPO studios, watching her come out on stage and clapping along with all the other acolytes.  With this vision firmly planted in my head, I've been diligently going onto her website and applying for tickets to her show every month.  And every month I've received a rejection email with the all too common perfunctory outro "Better luck next time".  I even recruited my sister and fiance to apply to better our chances.  Sometimes they would, sometimes they would forget.  Obviously they weren't as dedicated as I was.

Well, after I applied again for an upcoming show, I got an email today that my show reservation request has been accepted!!!  Can you believe it?!  At first I thought I was reading the message incorrectly so I read it again and again.  No, my eyes haven't failed me.  Ise goin' to the Opruh Winfree show, y'all!  I just have to click on the attached link to confirm receipt and reservation.

On most of the applications, you're allowed to list three other guests you would want to bring, but for this special show they only allowed for one so I listed my sister.  I figured she would really enjoy it.  Yeah, a nice gesture even though she gets on my nerves... a lot...but whatever.  I teased the fiance last night about me going on the show without him because, once again, he had totally overlooked applying for tickets when I told him to.  And now look what happened...

So before I click the link and confirm, I'm going to confirm that my sister will go.  No issues, no problems, just are you going or not.  Once I get her to commit, I'm clicking the link to HARPOville, baby!

Ooh, the fiance is gonna be salty.  LOL! What will I wear?  I have a way of getting there, but where will I stay?  Once I fly in, how will I get to the venue - cab or rental?  Sooo many things to think about!

I'm going to see Oprah Winfrey!!  Thank you, God!

Time Away...

I've been dealing with some things over the last two weeks.  Kinda heavy stuff (to me, at least).  I've been processing through some info and trying to figure out a lot of things.  During this process, I've pulled away from my fam and friends so I can focus.  Really focus.  I'll be back in the swing soon because everything will become crystal clear to me shortly.  I've been praying for clarity and lots of answers.  The answers are coming...

And So It Begins...

You know, they say that you'll know who your real friends are when you go through something; real friends will be the last ones standing and support you through it all.  But I would also go so far as to say that you'll know who your real girl friends are once you've become engaged... and they're not.

I had a call out of the blue from the ex-friend I mentioned in a previous post.  I had originally decided not to answer any calls from her from here on out, but had failed to recognize her phone number and answered accidentally.  She had seen my updated status on a social network and wished me congrats.  Hmm...  She hurriedly asked how, when it happened.  I didn't have enough daytime minutes to explain it all so I told her I would call her later that night.  And I did.  She didn't pick up.  I left a message.  She hasn't called back. 

Now this other so called "friend" has known about my history with my now fiance (fiance?  wow...) so she seemed happy when I text to her "Wanna be in a wedding?"  She immediately called me back and we started hee-heeing and ha-ha-ing about the proposal and upcoming wedding which I told her would be in October of next year.  Well, maybe a day after I told her she called me and told me that she and her BF were gonna get married and would I be upset about them thinking of October, too.  Huh?  Before I could utter a word, she pretty much answered the question herself by saying she would try and move it to another month because she didn't wanna step on my toes.  I asked whether she was engaged and she said not officially (WTHeck) but they were talking about it.  OK...  Next day, she sends me pics of an engagement ring they saw and she wanted.  I asked when he was gonna get it for her.  She said that SHE was gonna buy the rings.  HUH?  Soon after, she sent a pic of the dress she wanted and was gonna have a woman she found on eBay that lives in CHINA to make it for her!  Then she sent me prices and pics of a venue she wants me to check out with her when I come back to town.  All the while, I obliged her and gave compliments because I figured this had nothing to do with me and everything with her just being excited about her own prospects - imaginary or not.  But then she sent a text about them having a destination wedding in Jamaica.  When I asked when, she said OCTOBER!  What happened to not stepping on anyone's toes?  Heck, what happened to just being someone's true friend and not even considering the same month?  

(sigh) And so it begins...  As my wedding list gets shorter, I realize that life changing events, both good and bad, can reveal who is really "ride or die". 

Rules of Engagement

Where should I begin?  Hmm...  Well, I keep looking down at my hand and wondering how it all happened really.  And it's taken me a full week to fully absorb it all and now I think I'm ready to spill the beans.  It's funny how all this happened after my last entry where I stated that I was no longer going to chase "butterflies".

Yeah, well, remember when I told you about the boyfriend - I mean, ex-BF?  How he cheated and we finally broke up?  Well, we broke and I left for Philly.  And he lost his mind...  No, I mean it.  He literally called me every day when I left.  OK, cool.  Expected that (kinda).  No biggie.  But then came the crying and the pleading.  And then the visit.  Yes, he visited me and took me out and bought me things... He promised change in his attitude, demeanor and his over all self and the way he interacted with me.  I shrugged it off, but - crazy enough - he started to deliver.  He started going to church religiously and sent me a barrage of love notes via emails and phone calls. 

And when I arrived in Atlanta for a visit during my birthday week, he really lathered it on.  Not only did he greet me with a dozen pink roses, but he was about 70lbs lighter and looked like the day we first met (sans the shoulder-length dreds)!  Okay, he's really working it.  And then MORE gifts came: two treats from Tiffany's, a pair of silver hoop earrings and finally... with one hand holding a video camera and the other one shakily revealing the final gift stuffed into his jeans pocket... unsteadily he knelt down on one knee and presented a diamond ring.  Yes, he finally put his money where his mouth was.  And I was speechless.

So how do I feel?  How did I feel?   Well, my emotions ran the gamut from fear to disappointment to excitement to gut wrenching nausea.

I have no idea what I'm doing.  Not a clue.  But I said 'yes'.  Yes to rolling the dice and throwing out my Hollywood induced, preconceived notions of what romance is and what a "knight in shining armor" should look, feel, sound like and ride in on.  I'm scared, but happy.  Excited, even.  I'm ready to take a chance on the future...