Monday, November 29, 2010

Rules of Engagement

Where should I begin?  Hmm...  Well, I keep looking down at my hand and wondering how it all happened really.  And it's taken me a full week to fully absorb it all and now I think I'm ready to spill the beans.  It's funny how all this happened after my last entry where I stated that I was no longer going to chase "butterflies".

Yeah, well, remember when I told you about the boyfriend - I mean, ex-BF?  How he cheated and we finally broke up?  Well, we broke and I left for Philly.  And he lost his mind...  No, I mean it.  He literally called me every day when I left.  OK, cool.  Expected that (kinda).  No biggie.  But then came the crying and the pleading.  And then the visit.  Yes, he visited me and took me out and bought me things... He promised change in his attitude, demeanor and his over all self and the way he interacted with me.  I shrugged it off, but - crazy enough - he started to deliver.  He started going to church religiously and sent me a barrage of love notes via emails and phone calls. 

And when I arrived in Atlanta for a visit during my birthday week, he really lathered it on.  Not only did he greet me with a dozen pink roses, but he was about 70lbs lighter and looked like the day we first met (sans the shoulder-length dreds)!  Okay, he's really working it.  And then MORE gifts came: two treats from Tiffany's, a pair of silver hoop earrings and finally... with one hand holding a video camera and the other one shakily revealing the final gift stuffed into his jeans pocket... unsteadily he knelt down on one knee and presented a diamond ring.  Yes, he finally put his money where his mouth was.  And I was speechless.

So how do I feel?  How did I feel?   Well, my emotions ran the gamut from fear to disappointment to excitement to gut wrenching nausea.

I have no idea what I'm doing.  Not a clue.  But I said 'yes'.  Yes to rolling the dice and throwing out my Hollywood induced, preconceived notions of what romance is and what a "knight in shining armor" should look, feel, sound like and ride in on.  I'm scared, but happy.  Excited, even.  I'm ready to take a chance on the future...