Wednesday, October 27, 2010

The Butterfly Effect

I've been doing some thinking... Well, a little more than some.  And I've pretty much come to the conclusion that I will never be able to recapture that "in love" feeling that I've had only once before.  Now don't read me wrong - this is not a "woe is me" moment.  I simply realized that I've been in love once and that it may never happen again.

For the longest time I've been searching for that feeling, those butterflies that I felt when I was with who I thought was "the one".  I miss being in love.  It's such a high.   But that euphoria may not happen again with anyone else.  Why?  Am I being too picky?  Honestly, no.  I'm pretty un-picky compared to most.  Am I open to love?  Absolutely.  And very ready.  I've known only one other person in my life that has been "in love" with just about every person they've been in a relationship with.  (And it was a guy!)  But most are just not that easy, including me.  I'm more discerning.  More deliberate with mine.

And so I choose not to continue to chase this butterfly effect that has eluded me thus far.  Am I settling?  Compromising?  Maybe the former...  But what's the alternative?  Spending the next ten years fiending for my next hit of love's euphoria - the most expensive and time consuming drug on the planet?  I think not.  What if it never comes?  Man, it's time for me to exhale already.